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I'm not saying his wife has to become a switch herself and accommodate him, but what I AM saying is that if he is going to be held to a standard of brutal honesty in admitting he is no longer the paragon of dominance she thought he was...and if that admission might cost him a marriage with someone he loves and whom he believed loved him...

Well, how shallow is that? How can I take seriously a person's protestation that she is after a lasting and loving relationship, when a tiny matter of a man fantasizing being over a woman's knee could set her gag reflex in motion over a guy she "worshiped" the day before he had this heinous fantasy?

I'm saying if there is that much contempt in a person's heart for a man who wants to switch or has a submissive streak, I have to wonder just what she is basing her claim to a loving relationship on.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Oct 23 - 16:29 | reply to this comment
A tiny matter
Yes, the trouble is, you see, that to me it would not be a tiny matter. To you, spanking is just a sex game, but to me it is more than that. I might continue to love my husband if he suddenly announced that he wanted to be spanked, but I am afraid it would have a very bad effect on our sex life, and therefore ultimately on our whole relationship.

We have always had a pretty good sex life, but since embarking on a Taken In Hand relationship it has got even better. There used to be occasions in the past when my husband would want sex and I just didn't feel like it. Usually I would go along with him, unless I was really feeling ill or something, not because I thought he had a right to have sex with me whenever he felt like it regardless of what I wanted, I didn't and I still don't think that, but because I didn't want to hurt him by rejecting him. I found that often I would get into the mood as we started doing it anyway.

However, since we started having a Taken In Hand relationship I have found that there is never an occasion when he wants sex when I don't feel like it too; I seem to be in a mild state of sexual arousal virtually all the time when he is around – it's fantastic. I really, really like feeling like this, and it is this feeling that I think would be destroyed if he suddenly announced an interest in being spanked. The sexual feeling and the submissive feeling have always been intertwined with me – I can't have one without the other – and the submissive feeling that is essential for sexual arousal in me would simply be destroyed, possibly permanently, if he wanted to be spanked. It would ruin our sex life. I need to feel submissive for sexual arousal, and I couldn't feel submissive to my husband in those circumstances. Sexual feelings are something we're stuck with, and I'm sorry, but I do not think a good sex life is a tiny matter, it is an absolutely vital component of a good relationship.